


Got Me Wishin' I Was With You

by Katybug1992



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, M/M, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:21:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29324610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katybug1992/pseuds/Katybug1992
Summary: Jonathan hadn’t expected to ever sign a contract with a team that wasn’t the Blackhawks. But his contract was up and the Blackhawks were in full rebuild mode and Patrick had been traded to Buffalo for a couple of young guys at the deadline the previous season and Duncan and Andrew were retiring. And Saint Louis was offering him more than Chicago was. In fact, Chicago hadn’t seemed to be trying too hard to get him to re-sign. So, he made his choice.
Relationships: Jaden Schwartz/Jonathan Toews, Jaden Schwartz/Original Male Character(s), Robert Thomas/Matthew Tkachuk (background)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	Got Me Wishin' I Was With You

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song "See Through" by The Band CAMINO
> 
> A HUGE shout-out to Brooke for letting me yell at her about this when I needed to!

Jonathan hadn’t expected to ever sign a contract with a team that wasn’t the Blackhawks. But his contract was up and the Blackhawks were in full rebuild mode and Patrick had been traded to Buffalo for a couple of young guys at the deadline the previous season and Duncan and Andrew were retiring. And Saint Louis was offering him more than Chicago was. In fact, Chicago hadn’t seemed to be trying too hard to get him to re-sign. So, he made his choice.

Saint Louis had its appeal. They were a strong club with a strong tradition. He talked to Jamal Mayers before signing and the older man gave him a detailed rundown of what he was walking into. He told him that, while winning the Cup in Chicago was great and how he enjoyed his work with the Blackhawks organization, Saint Louis would always be home - that the highlight of his career was playing for the Blues.

Jonathan had offers from Colorado, Pittsburgh, DC for more than Saint Louis was offering. Saint Louis had other perks. It was a city with fans who - win or lose - loved their team. It was a smaller city, but years spent in Chicago had made Jonathan partal to the Midwest. Jonathan had played with a couple of the guys on the team with Team Canada or had met them at All-Star games and they were good guys. Petro still hyped up the city - and Jonathan wasn’t going to deny that he reached out to Petro about signing there. But Saint Louis was also a team that was determined to make the NHL notice them. To make the NHL stop being surprised that they were a good team.

And then there was Jaden. Jaden who Jonathan had worked so hard to impress. Jaden who Jonathan had tried so hard to get to agree to go on one date. Jaden who Jonathan had fallen in love with. And Jaden whose heart Jonathan broke because he got scared.

Jaden who was now the first out NHL player - and he did it at a press conference with his team surrounding him. And it happened because Barstool had published a photo of Jaden dancing with - and then leaving with - a guy while the Blues were in Vegas. And instead of curling in on himself and making half-assed denials, Jaden hardened his shell and came out. With the full support of his organization.

And Jaden handled the consequences with his teammates at his side. Jonathan had watched as Tarasenko and Schenn went feral on Eichel and then on Marchand a couple days later. Perron had dropped the gloves with DeAngelo. Colton unleashed fury on Jamie Benn. His team had constructed a shield around him and Jaden glared down anyone who thought their opinion mattered.

And Jonathan had watched all of it. And felt guilty about it through all of it. Because he should have also been there to stand by Jaden’s side. 

That was six years ago.

Now, Jonathan had signed a three year deal, putting him as a Blue until the end of his career. And it would be announced soon. And he knew he should give Jaden a heads up so he’s not caught off guard. He was currently flying back to STL - if Brayden’s insta post had been accurate. And it was a standard pic of the two of them. Sitting in the airport with Brayden grinning widely and Jaden looking exasperated and put out but fond as he half-smiled at the camera. It was his ‘Blues’ smile. Jonathan only ever saw it when Jaden was with his teammates. And if the timestamp on the post was accurate, they had to already be in the air.

He occupied himself by starting to pack up, wanting to get to Saint Louis as soon as he could. The team was putting him up in a hotel until he found a place. And he had started boxing up his place when Stan told him they weren’t going to resign him, but it was so much more…. real now that he was booking a moving truck and a storage unit (until he found a place to live).

He knew the news broke when his phone rang.

“You gonna tell Jaden?”

“Hi, Kaner,” Jonathan sighed.

“It’s a valid question.”

“He’s flying back to Saint Louis today, probably still up in the air.”

“Are you Insta-stalking your ex boyfriend?”

“No. Schenner posted a pic of them at the airport.”

Patrick hummed in response before saying, “You’re going to need to talk to him before Training Camp starts.”

“I know.”

“He hates your guts.”

“How do you know?”

“Staalsy heard from Bortuzzo, also Hutts still talks to a couple of the Blues guys. Also, I was around for a while after the breakup and… it was kind of obvious in how he played against you.”

“I’ll talk to him before Camp starts.”

“Good. And… good luck. You know I’m always here for you.”

“I know.”

+

Jaden grinned when he and Brayden got to baggage claim and he saw Trevor standing with Kelsey.

“Hey,” Jaden laughed, hugging his boyfriend, “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“I got home sooner than I thought and Kelsey asked if I wanted to tag along to pick you two up,” Trevor replied, kissing Jaden exaggeratedly, “It’s good to have you home.”

“It’s good to be home,” Jaden chuckled, “I love spending time with my family, but the Schenns are little much.”

“I heard that,” Brayden squawked.

“You were supposed to hear that,” Jaden flashed him a grin. Turning back to Trevor, he said, “My mom missed you but she understood why you couldn’t make it. Gucci is kind of a big deal. How was the shoot?”

“It went really well,” Trevor replied, “They want me for Fashion Week in February.”

Jaden’s expression lit up with pride and he pulled Trevor into a kiss that was probably not entirely appropriate for an airport.

“Okay, you two,” Brayden grumbled, chucking his neck pillow at Jaden, “let’s go, please. I’m hungry.”

“You’re always hungry,” Jaden mumbled against Trevor’s lips.

“Jaden, you know how I get when I haven’t eaten in four hours and we are reaching four in a half hours -”

“I know,” Jaden rolled his eyes, finally pulling away from Trevor, “you get cranky.”

“I don’t get cranky.”

“You get cranky and whiny and annoying.”

Kelsey giggled and then immediately threw her hands over her mouth.

“Kelsey!?” 

“He’s right!” she defended, “Come on. I put in a pick up order at Sugarfire. We’ll take it to Jaden’s and Trevor can tell us all about his trip to New York.”

+

When they got back to Jaden’s house, Jaden went upstairs to drop off his bags and checked his phone for the first time since he boarded the plane in Regina. And his gaze zeroed in on the notification that stood out from all the others.

“BRAYDEN!” Jaden called, “SCHENNER, COME HERE!”

“What did you do,” he heard Kelsey ask.

“I put salt in his coffee, but that was this morning,” Brayden defended himself, “I haven’t done anything since then.”

Jaden’s hands were shaking by the time Brayden got upstairs and he couldn’t stop staring at the notification.

“What’s wrong?” Brayden asked, immediately sensing it was serious.

“Jonathan is coming here,” Jaden muttered.

“Like...to visit?”

“No, Bray,” Jaden shook his head, “check your phone. He signed here this morning.”

“Shit,” Brayden replied, pulling his own phone out and seeing the notification. He took a deep breath and said, “Okay….okay, okay, okay. Here’s what we’re going to do -”

“He didn’t even bother telling me himself,” Jaden dropped his phone onto the bed.

“Can I hug or do you not want to be touched right now?” Brayden asked carefully. He had been taking care of Jaden in emotional distress since they were kids but sometimes the question needed to be asked still. When Jaden moved into Brayden’s space, he wrapped his arms around the smaller man and said, “O’Ry and I will talk to him first, okay? We won’t let him talk to you until after that. And… and someone will be there with you when you do talk to him if you want. Boboh would love to be that person.”

Jaden pulled back after a minute and sniffed, “I’ll be down in a minute.”

Brayden nodded and looked at him for a second before heading back downstairs.

Jaden sat down on the bed and picked his phone up, pulling up Jonathan’s contact and lingering over it for a moment before sighing and opting to turn his phone off entirely until he had had time to process the information. It wouldn’t help to have everyone’s opinions flying at him while he tried to form his own. He could deal, because nothing was more important than Blues hockey. He...he would just need time to get used to it.

So he took a couple breaths - Trevor suggested meditation being good for him and O’Ry had been slightly offended when Jaden took the advice because Ryan had been trying to implement voluntary meditation for the team (mandatory for Jaden) and no one had gone for that - before he headed back downstairs.

“Everything okay?” Trevor asked when he spotted Jaden.

“Not really. Jonathan signed here...” Jaden replied, hugging Trevor, “but we can talk about it later. I’m hungry and I want to hear about your trip.”

Trevor hugged him tightly and kissed his temple and Jaden hoped that meant the subject was dropped until Jaden’s ready to bring it up.

+

Jaden’s luck runs out as they’re getting ready for bed. Jaden just finished brushing his teeth when Trevor said, “So, your ex is joining your team.”

“Apparently,” Jaden sighed, turning his phone back on because he knew there are several texts from DP and he knew from his years of experience that when Pear is ignored for too long he shows up at an ungodly hour the next day and is roughly ten times louder than normal.

“You - you’ve never told me why, exactly, you broke up. Just that he -”

“Didn’t love me the way I loved him…” Jaden finished the sentence, getting a little huff of laughter from Trevor.

Jaden sighed and turned his phone screen off after telling Pear he would call him tomorrow. He turned on his side to face Trevor and he smiled when Trevor’s hand came to rest on his hip - a solid comforting weight. He took a centering breath before opening his mouth.

“We were together for two years. And… it’s not like he never said ‘i love you’ or anything. And he wasn’t unfaithful. We were happy, but we got a little careless while out in Chicago and the next day there was a picture on Twitter. And it was clearly me but the guy I was with - Jonathan - wasn’t clear. So, he had deniability - even though no one suspected him.

“I, however, didn’t. And when Jonathan said to ignore it… I couldn’t ignore it. Because it was clearly a photo of me. And I asked him why hiding it would be better. And he said that it just wasn’t worth it. All that trouble over one picture. Which I took to mean that I wasn’t worth it and he never corrected me.

“PR blacklisted any questions until I figured out what I wanted to do. Brayden offered to say it was him - a bet. Which, I mean, the NHL is basically a frat so it wouldn’t be hard to believe.”

“How long after that did you come out?” Trevor asked, running his thumb lightly over the strip of skin Jaden’s ridden up t-shirt revealed.

“Like...a couple months?” Jaden replied, “The team had gone to Vegas with the Cup and I got too comfortable. I didn’t think and - it’s not like I’m one of those players that anyone would recognize. And I took a guy back to my room. Turns out Barstool had a ‘reporter’ on the scene and…. There was no denying anything. The article was up and I was done hiding that part of myself.”

And Jaden thought back to that morning. To the spitting mad David Perron who looked ready to track down the reporter, to O’Ry trying to find a bright spot, to Brayden sitting next to him on the bed while he cried. Because he had always thought that he would come out on his own terms, when he wanted to. Not when he was backed into a corner. 

Petro and Vladi had gotten on the first flights to Vegas they could - same with Army, Chief, and Otter - and Jaden had the conversation with PR he had been hoping to put off for a couple years more at least with his teammates surrounding - with Brayden gripping his hand and Vladi right next to him.

It had been fitting - reciting his statement flanked by the first person he came out to in general and the first person he came out to on the team. And they had there to be his pillars as he made history. And they had there as he dealt with the fallout. The whole team was.

They were there to see him battle back against abuse that got thrown his way. They were there as he somehow seemed to manage to FIND a new level to elevate his game to. They were there to see him handle the media and the newfound pressure of being the FIRST with an ease that came as a shock.

And they were there to go to war for him. They were there to comfort him when he needed it, or to just listen to him vent when he needed to get weight off his chest. He was pretty sure they had the most fighting and roughing penalties in the League during that following season. Because his teammates wouldn’t let anyone get away with messing him, with harassing him, with singling him out.

Jaden didn’t know what he would have done without those idiots.

And if he hadn’t gone through that, it wouldn’t have started him on his path to meet Trevor, to be in a happy, healthy, out relationship for the first time in his life.

Jaden had met Trevor at an event with the Boys and Girls Club of Saint Louis three years ago and they had hit it off. Trevor did mostly local jobs but had recently started doing regional work. He was sweet and caring and taller than Jaden - not that that wasn’t something Jaden was used to - and he was handsome and had abs that Jaden hadn’t seen on anyone who wasn’t a professional athlete. 

And Jaden had been a little afraid at how quickly he had fallen for him until Steener sat him down drilled into his head that he was allowed to be happy. In fact, Steener had flown into Tampa the day before a game and O’Ry - traitor that he was - provided him Jaden’s room key and Jaden got woken up by being repeatedly hit in the head with a pillow. But after that - and after Jaden stopped flailing and had taken a shower - they had one of their ‘Breakfast and Breakdown’ talks that they had had for Jaden’s whole career whenever he got too lost in his own head. 

It wasn’t long before they had the ‘Defining The Relationship Talk’ - because Jaden had learned the hard way from Jonathan that being in two different places could only end badly. And Jaden had been terrified of how that talk was going to end. Because… he hadn’t felt the way he felt about Trevor since Jonathan. And he laid all of his cards out on the table and Trevor had smiled, leaned over the table, and kissed him.

And Jaden remembered sitting there dumbfounded as Trevor took his hands and said that he was all in on them if Jaden was. And it had been too long since Jaden had felt that happy.

“What are you thinking about?” Trevor asked softly, gently pulling Jaden out of his head.

“Just how lucky I am,” Jaden replied honestly, “And how I’m… thankful, in a way, for what happened with Jonathan because if it hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met you.”

“Maybe I should thank him when I meet him,” Trevor smirked, rolling them over and hovering over Jaden, “I hate that that happened to you, but I am so grateful to have you in my life.”

Jaden cradled Trevor’s cheek before arching up for a kiss, moaning as Trevor hummed into it and lowered himself more, rolling his hips against Jaden’s.

“I missed you,” Trevor breathed as they pulled apart, resting his forehead against Jaden’s.

“I missed you, too,” Jaden replied, running a hand through Trevor’s hair, “I love you.”

Trevor grinned widely and kissed Jaden again. It had taken a while for Jaden to be able to say those words to him and he would never tire of hearing them.

“I love you, too,” Trevor whispered before brushing his lips over the spot of Jaden’s neck that always made him whimper and smirked at the reaction, aiming to draw as many of those noises out of him as he could.

+

Jonathan had gotten into town the day before, checked into his hotel, and crashed. He would need to be well rested because Perron was apparently coming along with O’Reilly and Schenn and he would need all the patience he could muster.

He had just finished getting dressed when the knock at his door sounded. He took a deep breath before answering it - met by the glare of Perron, the smile of O’Reilly, and the unreadable expression of Schenn.

He sighed as he let them into the room, it was better to get this out of the way in private than in the middle of a restaurant.

“Before I let you so much as see Jaden, you and I need to chat,” Schenn’s voice was hard and left no room for arguing, “What you did - what you SAID - destroyed him. I have seen Jaden at his highs and at his extreme lows, I have spent a majority of my life becoming fluent in all things Jaden Schwartz. I have NEVER seen him completely shut down. EVER. But you telling him that a blurry photo of YOU wasn’t worth the trouble for YOU, BROKE him.

“You broke him and I had to put him back together because we had the Playoff push. And I KNOW how to put Jaden back together. I know what to say and what to do. I KNOW him better than almost anyone. And seeing him like that, I wanted to kill you. I wanted to do everything in my power to make sure he never had to see you again. Because - believe it or not - you were only the second person Jaden had ever said ‘I love you’ to, and the first guy screwed him over as well.

“But he’s good now. He’s happy He’s been dating a great guy for three years. It took a lot of time to get him to this point. And I will not let you ruin that happiness. I will not let you hurt him again. Clear?”

“Crystal,” Jonathan nodded, making an effort to look the younger man in eyes before flicking his gaze to the other two, “You guys got anything to add?”

Perron opened his mouth and O’Reilly slapped a hand over it - knowing that Pear wasn’t at the point where he knew exactly what he wanted to say himself - before saying, “Just… keep in mind that most of the team was there for the fall out.”

Jonathan nodded and followed them out of the room.

They walked to the restaurant - a smaller place that Schenn said had a good brunch and also got him immediately chirped by both Perron and O’Reilly.

And on the walk over, Jonathan’s head kept going to Brayden’s comment about Jaden having a boyfriend and he hated the jealousy bubbling in his gut at the thought. Because he had no right to be jealous. He threw that right away. And he didn’t know why he thought Jaden wouldn’t have moved on.

Lunch was uneventful. Ryan kept the mood light, gave him suggestions of what areas to look at for a place to live - most of the guys lived within ten minutes of each other, apparently, and Ryan volunteered Perron to drive him around to look at houses he was interested in.

Perron had narrowed his eyes in response but didn’t argue when Ryan said that the other option was Tarasenko and Jonathan wanted that less than Perron.

“Look,” Ryan ran a hand through his hair as they walked back to the hotel, “It was six years ago, but… it was also the first time most of us had seen Schwartzy...like that. He keeps a tight hold on his emotions so seeing him that raw was a shock to the system, especially the guys who were rookies at the time. It - I know it stuck with Robby, seeing Jaden get back to the hotel barely holding himself together. It’s going to take time to adjust to you. Jaden already told everyone to put it out of their minds, to forget anything had happened, because the team is more important. Just don’t push him. He’ll reach out to you when he’s ready.”

Jonathan nodded and looked down at his feet.

“Saint Louis is a great city,” Ryan nudged him gently, “The Blues are a great organization. I mean, look at DP. He’d choose Saint Louis over anywhere else every time.”

“Osh told me,” Jonathan replied, “I talked to him before signing, him and Petro. They both had nothing but good things to say. And Jaden used to - It’s going to be a change but I’m looking forward to it.”

Ryan nodded and clapped him on the shoulder, “Someone in the Front Office will be sending you some listings and Pear will pick you up tomorrow morning to go look at them.”

+

Patrick came into town to help him get moved into the house - and Jonathan was genuinely surprised at how quick the house buying process went and he suspected the Front Office pushed things along.

“So,” Patrick broached the topic over a lunch of Arby’s, standing at the counter because none of Jonathan’s stuff is sorted and unpacked, just unloaded so they could return the truck, “have you talked to Jaden yet?”

“I was told in no uncertain terms by both Brayden and Ryan to let Jaden make the first move,” Jonathan replied, pulling at a curly fry.

“And has he?” Patrick raised an eyebrow, “Like a text or anything?”

“Not yet.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Jonny.”

“Jaden has a boyfriend.” Jonathan looked down at his food, “Brayden said they’ve been together for three years. That - that Jaden’s happy. That Jaden loves him.”

“Tazer -”

“I messed up and ruined the only thing in my life that has ever been at the same level as hockey. And now… Am I an awful person if I still want to try to win him back?”

“I think - I think you need to talk to him.”

“I know. I just wish he wasn’t so stubborn. Every time my phone pings, I look at it hoping to see his name.”

“He’ll reach out eventually. Especially since Camp starts in about a month.”

Jonathan nodded and balled up his sandwich wrapper a little more viciously than necessary.

“Come on,” Patrick sighed, “My flight leaves in two days, so I have 48 hours to help you unpack your life.”

+

The day after Patrick left, Jaden texted him. And Jonathan had scrambled to respond in a totally-not-desperate way and he probably failed. But the point was that Jaden would be coming over to talk. And he made a point to make it clear that that was all he was coming over for. That didn’t stop Jonathan from making coffee ten minutes before Jaden was supposed to arrive, just in case he wanted some.

He jumped a little when a knock on the door sounded and he tried not to run to the door. And when he opened it, he saw Jaden with Tarasenko standing behind him glaring at Jonathan.

Jonathan stepped aside and let them in, “Coffee?”

“No,” Jaden replied, “Look, we’re teammates now. And I can handle that. I can. But I need to get something off my chest and I need you to hear it and I need you to respect it.”

Jonathan just nodded in response.

“I know Brayden talked to you so you’ve already heard about how what you did hit me hard. But you don’t know how hard. You don’t know that I broke down in front of my entire team when Steener asked me if I was okay when I got back to the hotel. You don’t know that it was a struggle for me to get out of bed, much less actually want to leave and play a hockey game. I didn’t want to eat. I drank way too much. I got stupid and I got careless and it lead to the circumstances that made me come out. And it took THREE YEARS for me to stop hearing you say that I wasn’t worth it - and I know you didn’t say those words, but it’s what you meant. It took three years for me to be ready to open myself up again.

“And I’m happy now. Trevor makes me happier than I have ever been. And I’ve moved on. And that’s it. That’s my piece. I’ll see you at the BBQ tomorrow.”

Tarasenko narrowed his eyes at Jonathan and looked ready to add to the conversation but Jaden grabbed his elbow, “Come on. We have to get the silly string.”

The Russian nodded but gave Jonathan a look that meant they would be talking later.

And Jonathan sighed as the door closed. And his heart hurt hearing about what his actions - or his inaction - caused Jaden. And he just… he hoped he at least had the chance to heal things between them. Because if he couldn’t have Jaden as a romantic partner, he wanted to at least have him as a friend. And if he was lucky, have him on his wing when the season started. But for that to happen, they needed to get to a place where Jaden could stand to be in his presence for more than five minutes, and in his presence for more than five minutes without a teammate backing him up.

+

Jonathan got to the BBQ at the O’Reilly’s five minutes past the stated start time - Patrick had called so little Patty could talk to him - and found most of the team already there, which surprised him. Most of his teammates in Chicago ran at least fifteen minutes late.

“Hey,” Ryan grinned, “you made it!”

“Yeah,” Jonathan nodded, “I got stuck on a call with my nephew.”

Ryan smiled understandingly and pointed him toward the coolers of drinks.

He spotted Thomas and the older of the Tkachuk boys laughing sitting on the edge of the pool, hands clasped between them as they chirped the guys chicken fighting (it was Dunn and Blais versus Parayko and Neighbours and the first pair were clearly going to lose) in the pool. He had forgotten Matthew had signed with his hometown team, to wear the sweater he grew up rooting for, to play alongside his boyfriend, to wear his dad’s number before Brady could sign here and take it.

He grabbed a beer and made his way over to where Faulk and Krug were “officiating” cornhole - apparently Schenn cheated often, or at least, that’s what Jaden was yelling at him from other side of the yard where he wasn’t even playing but was still defending the need for refs.

“Hey,” Justin smiled, tipping his beer bottle in Jonathan’s direction.

“Hey,” Jonathan nodded.

Justin lived down the street from Jonathan and when he had found out, had invited Jonathan over for dinner, then on various outings to get him used to the city. Not that the rest of the team hadn’t reached out in their own ways, but Jonathan had bonded better with Justin just on the basis of the fact that Justin hadn’t been a Blue when he and Jaden fell apart.

And Jonathan’s eyes kept finding Jaden - and kept finding the guy with his arm around Jaden. And he takes him, cataloguing everything about him. He was tall, dark hair, Jonathan can tell thanks to the Henley he was wearing that he was ripped. He was also not terrible to look at and Jonathan tore his gaze away right as Jaden was about to turn to notice the staring.

“His name’s Trevor,” Torey filled Jonathan in as Schenner stalked off, apparently giving up on convincing everyone who could hear that he does not cheat at cornhole, “Pretty good guy.”

“Just did his first shoot for Gucci,” Justin added, “doing Fashion Week in February. Schwartzy’s very proud.”

“Never pictured Jaden dating a model,” Jonathan muttered, taking a swig of his beer and actively trying not to look over at the couple in question. 

“If it makes you feel better,” Justin nudged him gently, “I don’t think he pictured himself dating a model either. Trevor caught him off guard.”

And it did make him feel a little better. But not much. Especially when he saw Jaden smiling that wide, happy smile that had always made Jonathan weak in the knees. 

Justin pulled him around the yard, integrating him into conversations - he managed to get a laugh out of Perron so he was counting that as a win.

“Hey,” a voice he didn’t recognize greeted.

Jonathan turned away from where Dunn had just pulled Thomas into the pool - who yelped and grabbed onto Tkachuk, which sent him falling in as well - and saw the boyfriend, Trevor, standing next to him.

“Hi,” Jonathan replied, squaring his shoulders.

“I’m not going to be THAT guy who threatens his boyfriend’s ex, that’s not who I am,” Trevor replied, mimicking Jonathan’s stance, “I actually wanted to thank you. If Jaden hadn’t had his experience with you then he and I probably wouldn’t be together. And Jaden is probably the best part of my day everyday.”

“I’m happy he’s happy.”

“You don’t mean that,” Trevor responded, “but as long as you don’t act on it, we’re good.”

“Trevor!” Bortuzzo yelled across the yard, “Come tell your boyfriend he’s wrong!”

“I’m right,” Jaden replied, “look a fucking map of Canada!”

“Are you still arguing over whether Toronto is Eastern Canada? Seriously?” Parayko yelped as Blais jumped on his back.

“If he would just admit that I’m right -” Bortuzzo started to argue.

“But you’re not!” Schenn and Jaden yelled in unison, then no-look-high-fived which prompted a series of groans.

“I’m going to have to agree with Jaden,” Trevor replied, chuckling as Jaden stuck his tongue out at Bortuzzo.

Bortuzzo rolled his eyes as Trevor slipped his arms around Jaden’s waist and dropped a kiss to his head.

“Trevor,” Schenn’s wife, Jonathan thought her name was Kelsey but he didn’t quite remember - he hadn’t met many of the wives - walked over them and grabbed his arm, “Come on, Vanessa and I need your input on something.”

“On what?” Jaden asked, immediately suspicious.

“Don’t worry about it,” Kelsey flashed him a grin.

Jaden made a face in return before Tarasenko distracted him by pulling him away and Jonathan lost sight of him shortly after as his attention was pulled away by Ryan pulling him into the conversation - argument - he and Marco were having by the grill.

Not even five minutes later, all the children came spilling out of the house brandishing silly string - and Jonathan didn’t know how NONE of the parents had noticed that their children were no longer outside - and firing it at everyone. And Jonathan spotted Jaden and Tarasenko practically holding each other up as they laughed.

And Jonathan loved that laugh on Jaden. Genuine. Loud. Lighting up his entire face at unleashing a horde of hyper children on his teammates and their teammates' significant others - Brayden was apparently choosing to sacrifice Kelsey and was hiding behind her.

Which didn’t help him when Jaden and Tarasenko snuck up behind him and unloaded their own canisters of silly string on him. And Jonathan huffed out a laugh as Brayden yelped.

“So,” he asked Justin as he watched Brayden try to take on both Jaden and Tarasenko, “am I making progress?”

“Jaden told all of us not to let what happened affect us, that he was dealing with it and that we shouldn’t hold it against you,” Justin replied, “For some of us it’s a little easier. But they like you. And Jaden really is enforcing what he said. If we want to succeed, we have to be a team. It’s why we’ve had success, because we’re a close-knit group. And we integrate new team members despite past discretions. I mean just look at how everyone followed Robby’s lead when Torey came over ”

Jonathan nodded and felt himself relax completely for the first time since he had arrived. Because even though no one treated him with hostility, it was nice to know that they didn’t hate his guts - that Jaden wasn’t letting them hate his guts.

He was distracted from watching Brayden wrestle Jaden to the ground once the taller man got possession of the silly string and started spraying Jaden in the face while sitting on his chest by Perron popping up next to him.

“I’m going to keep this short because Schwartzy told us to drop it and move on,” Perron started, gaze focused on the where the kids had all decided to apparently rally to Jaden’s defense and where piling on top of Brayden, “When he got back to the hotel that morning…. I didn’t see the man Jaden is now. I saw the rookie kid. I saw the rookie still grieving the loss of his sister. I saw the rookie who was crushing himself under the weight of a secret we didn’t know. He didn’t come out to the team until that next season, until he had Vladi to be his rock. I didn’t find out that secret until my second go around here.

“I saw that kid the morning after that first photo for the first time in six years. Except worse. Because he was broken. We had one of us with him at all times because we were worried about him. He couldn’t relax because at any minute, someone could do some quick photo editing and make that picture clearer and then it would be a story again. 

“And then Vegas happened. And I remember Steener banging on my door and getting to Jaden’s room and having that talk with him. Seeing the journey he went on, just in that morning, the journey he had been on for six years… I’m proud of him. I’m happy to see him happy and thriving. But I can’t just forget what happened.

“But, we’re teammates now and Jaden doesn’t want any of us to dwell on the past. So clean slate. Just don’t push him. Don’t do anything to hurt him and we’ll stay okay. Can you do that?”

“Yeah,” Jonathan replied, “I want you to know that I never intended to hurt him like that. I never intended to hurt him ever. But I got scared when I saw that picture. I got scared and I got selfish and I let that drive the person who made me happiest away. I didn’t think through my words and when he took them the wrong way, I didn’t correct him. And I have regretted it every day for six years.”

“You still?”

“Yeah. I still.” Jonathan looked away from the other man, gaze falling on Jaden, now fondly looking up at Trevor as he sprayed what little was left in his silly string canister at him, “But he’s happy. And I don’t want to ruin that.”

Perron looked at him for a minute before nodding and holding out his hand. Jonathan shook it and caught a glimpse of Ryan and Justin, who were both smiling widely at them.

+

“Jaden is dating a model,” Jonathan lamented, hearing sounds of children running around in the background, “A model named Trevor. What kind of name is that?! Trevor!”

“So, I take it the team get together didn’t go well?” Patrick asked patiently, and Jonathan could hear what had to be the Staals - Eric and Jared, well, Jonathan guessed he was a Skinner now rather than Staal - arguing over something in the background.

“It went fine,” Jonathan replied, “Only negative was actually seeing the guy Jaden’s dating. Trevor.”

“You can say his name like that all you want but it won’t change the fact that he and Jaden are together.”

“Where are you?” Jonathan asked as the sound of children got louder.

“The Skinners. They adopted three kids in the off season - siblings - and Eric’s three are over as well and Patty is enjoying being able to drink real fruit punch with sugar.” Patrick replied, “Back to your problem.”

“Just… a model? Did you ever picture him dating a model?” Jonathan flopped down on his bed.

“No,” Patrick replied, “but, then again, you didn’t allow me to spend that much time with him because it cut down on how long you got him to yourself.”

“Kaner.”

“I mean, he was in a relationship with a guy who looks like YOU. It would stand to reason his standards rose after that.”

“You’re not helpful.”

“What do you want me to say? You wanna complain about the guy’s name? Because, yeah, Trevor is not a great name. Jonny, you need to figure out where Jaden is. If there’s absolutely no hope for you, then you need to let him and Trevor live their life together. But if you see that there might be a chance for you after all, then I think you need to fight for him.”

“How do I figure that out? He’s not exactly been forthcoming with information.”

“I don’t know, Jonny. You’re the expert in all things Jaden. Figure it out. For your own sake. And if you need to vent or complain or whine, I’m here for you.”

Jonathan huffed out a laugh and hung up.

+

The first day of Camp hadn’t even started before Matthew got his first Fine. Which wasn’t uncalled for, there WAS a rather impressive hickey on Robby’s neck. 

And Robby had started to pout at Jaden to try to get him to convince Perron rescind the Fine but Torey instantly covered Jaden’s eyes so he couldn’t see the pout.

“Don’t make those eyes at Mom,” Kyrou threw a roll of tape at Robby, “He can’t save you every time!”

“Also, you’re not a rookie anymore, kid,” Ryan chuckled, “do they even still work?”

“I don’t know,” Robby pouted, “uncover Schwartzy’s eyes and let’s see!”

“Pay your Fines, kids,” Perron cackled as Jaden tried to free himself from Torey, “It makes the world go ‘round.”

“You’re so dumb,” Jaden grumbled, finally freeing himself, “That made no sense.”

“English isn’t my first language!” Perron fired back only to be bombarded with several rolls of tape.

+

Jaden was one of the first on the ice like usual, taking slow glides on the familiar ice and centering himself. He had seen Jonathan a couple times since he had his talk with him - at the BBQ, the time Ryan kidnapped him and forced him on the Zoo outing with a couple of the guys, the brewery tour the team did, the game night Brayden hosted that had resulted in a wrestling match between Torey and Vince that put an end to monopoly - but now it was time to focus.

This wasn’t team relationship building anymore. This was work. He was an adult. He handled being around Jonathan in a group setting off ice and he could do it on ice. And looking at the practice lines… Jonathan centering him and Vladi…. They had potential. They had a lot of potential. Because Jonathan was a great center - one of the best. But the line would only work if Jaden pretended he was okay.

It wasn’t like he was heartbroken over Jonathan. Because he wasn’t. It had been six years. And Jaden had moved on. He was happy. He loved Trevor. He really did. And for the three years he had been with Trevor, he had never doubted those feelings and he wasn’t going to let the butterflies that Jonathan STILL managed to ignite in his stomach affect his relationship with Trevor. Jaden would get used to Jonathan being around all the time, get used to his face and his voice and his everything, and would develop an immunity to it.

He hadn’t had to worry about it the past six years of only seeing Jonathan on the ice. He didn’t have to focus his attention on him. He didn’t have to listen to his voice. He didn’t have to see him smile or hear his laugh. He didn’t have to be reminded that under the ‘Captain Serious’ facade, Jonathan was fun and nice and knew how to make Jaden feel like nothing could touch him.

Jaden had expected to feel only the disappointment and hurt that he had carried with him for six years. And he had for a while. But every minute spent with Jonathan reminded him of why he had liked him in the first place. And Jaden needed to focus on hockey, not on his ex - who was going to have a lot to do with his hockey this year.

So he distracted himself by swiping at a nearby puck and charging the net, focusing on keeping the puck on his stick and not on the fact that Jonathan was stepping on to the ice with Ryan. Rouzy came zooming past him calling for it and Jaden rolled his eyes fondly and passed it, laughing as Rouzy put it in the net and cellyed like it wasn’t an empty net before practice.

And these damn kids, he thinks to himself as Robby stepped onto the ice followed by Vince, Sammy, and Matthew. They weren’t kids anymore. Even if Robby and Rouzy will forever be his Rookies. And Robby was absolutely glowing next to Matthew - shining brightly under his attention and absolutely loving having him here. The team - mainly Pear - have already started giving them crap about how long it would be until they got married. And, honestly, it was any day now. They’d been together since Robby was sixteen, out for the last couple years. Matthew hadn’t even entertained staying at his parents’ when he signed. Instead, the next day, he and Robby were house hunting.

“Jaden!” is the only warning he gets and Brayden passed a puck over.

Jaden collected it from its rebound off the wall and passed it back across the ice, tape to tape, and he smirked a little because some things never change. He’ll always be able to find Brayden. He felt his presence the same way he felt Vladi’s presence. It made him centered.

Brayden passed it back over and Jaden flicked it into the back of the net and laughed as Brayden crashed into him, cheering loudly.

“Get off me,” Jaden rolled his eyes and Brayden laughed, letting him go but not moving any further away, “What?”

“You okay?” Brayden lowered his voice, “You had your Thinking Too Hard face on earlier.”

“I’m good,” Jaden smiled up at the older man, “Just thinking about tonight.”

“Oh, yeah,” Brayden grinned, “Date night! Whatcha doin’?”

“Trevor’s making dinner,” Jaden replied, “he won’t tell me what he’s making.”

“That’s sweet,” Brayden grinned, “that he’s still doing that. I mean, it’s so much easier to go out to a restaurant.”

Jaden nodded. Date night was something they started when he and Trevor became “official”. One night a week when able where they stayed in - no phones, no tv, no teammates popping over randomly, no distractions of any kind - and made dinner (occasionally ordered pickup) and took the time to ‘connect’. To talk about whatever they wanted to talk about it. And Jaden was weary at the idea at first, thought it sounded cheesy, but after the first one, he looked forward to them. Especially during the season, when he didn’t have a lot of time to talk to Trevor over the phone on roadies, or a bad string of games had him in his head and frustrated and he worried about snapping at his boyfriend. But they usually worked to help him forget about it for a while and it was a blessing.

Jonathan had never…. Jaden shook his head. He would not start comparing them. There was no reason to. Trevor was perfect for him. He loved Trevor. That’s what mattered.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Chief’s whistle.

New season. Jonathan was his teammate now, probable linemate. Trevor was his boyfriend, who he loved.

He ignored the look Brayden gave him and glided over to the circle.

+

As Trevor liked to remind Jaden, he wasn’t as dumb as everyone thought he was. That he was smart about things other than hockey. Why else would the young guys on the team come to him when they had a problem?

Jaden had always just figured that the Team Mom joke that had originated from him accidentally mom-arming Robby once or twice had somehow fit itself into their heads. Even Jake had treated him like that from the start - and the mini-meltdown Brayden had had over that (he was supposed to be Jake’s Team Parent, after all) still brought a smile to Jaden’s face when he thought about it.

He was in touch with emotions - regardless of what everyone said. He was in touch with his own emotions. Sure, he really had Trevor to thank for that. But still, he could easily acknowledge the feeling thrumming under his skin. And years of somehow being Team Mom meant that he could acknowledge the feelings that fluttered across Jonathan’s face when he caught his eye.

It took one practice for Jaden to be able to feel Jonathan the same way he could feel Brayden and Vladi. He was surprised at how easy it felt to play on Jonathan’s wing. How simple it was to leave a drop pass and KNOW Jonathan would be there to pick up. How easy it was to blindly pass the puck to where he KNEW Jonathan was waiting. How good it felt to let go of that pain he carried with him for six years and just enjoy being in Jonathan’s presence.

It wasn’t all easy. The first scrimmage, when their line scored, the celly was more awkward than Jaden had hoped it would be. He had crashed into where Vladi had been waiting for him - arms already open - and had flinched just a little when Jonathan had joined the hug. He had hoped no one had noticed, but Vladi and Jonathan definitely had.

“I’m good,” Jaden muttered as Vladi gave him a look as they headed to the bench.

Vladi just narrowed his eyes before looking away, which Jaden took as him pretending to buy the lie Jaden had just told.

As Camp wore on, the passes came even easier than they did at the beginning. Jaden could feel Jonathan like the center had burrowed into the back of his head and made a little home there. 

Cellys came easier as well. And much quicker than Jaden expected, he easily crashed into Jonathan. They start to come naturally. And Jaden doesn’t want to focus on that. 

And he really doesn’t want to focus on the fact that instead of getting used to the stupid fluttering caused by Jonathan’s smile, it gets worse. And Jaden starts to get the inkling of the feeling he got when he realized he maybe did have real for Jonathan the first time.

Instead, he distracted himself from those feelings with Trevor. Because Trevor was his boyfriend. And Trevor loved him just as much as Jaden loved Trevor. Jaden was in the healthiest relationship of his life and, regardless of what the butterflies in his stomach felt, Jonathan was not going to throw a wrench in it.

+

Pre-season went smoothly. Jaden, Jonathan, and Vladi got the final kinks smoothed out and then the home opener is upon them. And Jonathan couldn’t help the nerves that took over. He worried about the reception he would get. Ryan had told him not to worry about it, that the fans wouldn’t care what sweater he wore in the past. Pear commented that they would be too distracted by having a Tkachuk on the team again to care about him.

Jonathan had huffed out a laugh and shook his head. Once he and David had had their talk at the O’Reillys’, he was surprised at how quickly he warmed up to the other man. He had to admit, he was looking forward to not being on the other end of his more annoying tactics on ice.

“How are you feeling?” Jaden asked, sitting down in the stall next to him.

Jonathan looked at him for a minute. It wasn’t the first time that Jaden had initiated conversation since they had had their talk, but this wasn’t related to hockey - not really - or what restaurants he should check out. This was actual checking in.

“More nerves than I’m used to,” Jonathan answered honestly, running a hand through his hair.

“They’ll love you,” Jaden replied, “Just. Just go out there and play hockey and they’ll love you. Maybe get a good hit on Jamie Benn, as icing on top.”

Jonathan huffed out a laugh and Jaden grinned before getting up and heading back over to his stall. He couldn’t help the fond smile he knew was on his face as he watched out of the corner of his eye Jaden and Brayden’s whispered conversation as they finished getting dressed. 

Matthew had been bouncing around the room since he got to the rink and eventually Robby dragged him out of the room and when they came back fifteen minutes later, Matthew had seemed to settle down and Perron muttered “I don’t want to know” under his breath, making Jonathan huff out a laugh.

They lined up for the home opener ceremony, and Robby beamed brightly when the arena erupted when Matthew’s name was announced. 

Jaden shot him a quick glance and reached around Robby to tap his stick against Jonathan’s shins before he headed out on to the, Robby following shortly after.

And then Jonathan heard his own name announced and he took a deep breath.

As he stepped onto the ice when his name was announced, he skated out and joined the line, taking in being on this side of the Saint Louis fans. It was a different feeling but it was one he could definitely get used to.

The game passed in a blur. Matthew got the first goal off of one of Robby’s ‘What The Fuck’ passes and almost took himself and Robby down when he crashed into the younger man.

Jonanthan got the second one, off of a pass by Jaden - who grinned at him as they hugged.

“Told you,” Jaden grinned up at him, barely audible over the crowd, “they love you.”

Jonathan kept his gaze solely on Jaden until they headed to the bench.

Robby in the last seconds of the game got a crazy goal that Jonathan wasn’t even sure how it went in.

And Ville got a shutout to start the season.

The locker room was full of excited energy and Jonathan found himself distracted by Jaden - who was smiling and laughing as Rouzy draped himself over him.

Jonathan and Matthew had gotten tapped for Media, along with Ryan, so Jonathan hurried through his shower. 

“Come on,” Justin grinned, after Jonny had finished media, “first drink’s on me.”

+

Jonathan let himself be ushered toward where the team had congregated at OB’s while Justin headed over to the bar and settled at the high top next to Jaden, who was watching Robby completely destroy Matthew at Pool.

“Clearly none of my lessons stuck,” Pear shook his head.

“Well, that’s what the problem is,” Ryan laughed, “YOU taught him.”

“I -”

“Pear, you’re awful,” Jaden laughed, “I beat you every time and I’m awful.”

“Maybe I just let you win!” David huffed.

Jaden just laughed and shook his head in response.

“So,” Torey asked, leaning against the table, “where was Trevor tonight? I didn’t see him with the rest of the families.”

“He’s in LA for a shoot,” Jaden replied.

And Jonathan was pretty sure he wasn’t imaging the slight edge to Jaden’s tone. He’d heard it before. Most recently the night that they had broken up.

“Trouble in paradise?” Jonathan asked once it was just them at the table, trying to keep his tone teasing.

Jaden flicked his eyes over to Jonathan and said, “No.”

“Sorry,” Jonathan mumbled, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know you didn’t,” Jaden replied with a forced smile, sipping his beer, “His agent has him meeting with a bunch of brands, doing shoots with them, networking. They’re expecting his career to sky rocket after Fashion Week. And I’m happy for him but it just means we aren’t going to have a lot of time together.”

“You fought before he left, didn’t you?”

“I wouldn’t call it a fight,” Jaden replied, “Just… a disagreement.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Jonathan asked lightly, hoping he didn’t cross the line, “You don’t have -”

“I want to get a dog,” Jaden cut him off, “I’ve wanted to get a dog for a couple of years now and Trevor keeps saying that it’s not the right time. And I know he’s going to be busier and that I;d need to hire a dog sitter for road trips that coincide with his work trips but… Anyway, it just got blown out of proportion and I think I overreacted.”

“Maybe it’s not just about the dog,” Jonathan replied after a moment, “Maybe it’s about something more and he’s just using the dog as a cover.”

Jaden got that look on his face, the one Jonthan recognized as him knowing someone had a point and he didn’t want to admit it. So Jonathan dropped the subject and said, “Is DP as bad at Darts as he is at Pool?”

“Why would you want to put a dart in DP’s hand?” Jaden replied, eyes shining with laughter.

“Good point.”

Jaden chuckled and Jonathan tried to push down that feeling he always got when he made Jaden laugh.

“Steener’s gonna be at practice tomorrow,” Robby announced, bouncing over to the table - a pouting Matthew trailing behind him.

Steener had taken a job as Assistant GM and Jonathan had considered himself lucky to not have run into the older man yet.

“You look a little pale, Tazer,” Robby’s expression turned to one of concern, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Jonathan downed the rest of his beer.

“He’s fine, Robby,” Jaden chuckled, “He’s just scared of Steener.”

“I would be, too, if I heard the things that Steener’s said about him said about me…” Robby muttered, backing away from the table at the look Jaden directed at him, “Fine. I’m shutting up. You can put the face away.”

Jaden rolled his eyes and Jonathan chuckled, “You still have a soft spot for him.”

“He’s my favorite. Don’t tell anyone.”

Jonathan laughed lightly before saying, “So, Steen -”

“I’ll talk to him.”

“You don’t have to -”

“I’ll talk to him.”

“He wants to take you, me, and Rouzy out for lunch after,” Robby added, “He said that we could invite Jake but I told him you were still letting Schenner believe that Jake was his Rookie.”

“And if Schenner asks, he was,” Jaden replied, getting an honest to God giggle out of Robby which caused a ridiculously fond look to take over Matthew’s face, “How’s the reno going?”

“Matthew wants to knock out a wall,” Robby replied before he and Matthew launched into an argument about knocking out said wall.

And Jonathan couldn’t shake the feeling in his chest at the look of fondness on Jaden’s face as he listened to them.

+

Jonathan got to the rink and Jaden was already on the ice - along with Robby, Rouzy, and Steener.

“Been out there for an hour,” Matthew said, pouting a little, “I wasn’t allowed to join. Steener said it was Rookie and Grand-Rookie time.”

“It’s okay, Matty,” DP grinned, “You’ll get used to Steener’s FAVORITISM!” 

His yell seemed to catch the attention of the group on the ice and Jonathan could see Jaden trying not to laugh.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about!” Steener called back.

“We all know you brought Matty in so Robby would stop pouting all the time!”

“Hey!” Robby and Matthew both whined in response.

“Don’t you have a box of Just For Men with your name on it somewhere, Pear?” Jaden responded, “I’m seeing a bit of grey.”

Jonathan and Matthew snickered as Pear sputtered, trying to come up with a response while Jaden smirked and fist bumped Steener.

+

Toward the end of practice, Steener approached Jonathan.

Jaden watched from the other end of the ice as they talked and tried not to worry about it. He had told Steener to go easy on Jonathan, and Steener had promised he would try. But Jaden also knew Steener and he knew that Steener remembered the aftermath of the breakup all too vividly.

“Woah,” DP grinned, joining Jaden, “I can feel you worrying.”

“Shut up,” Jaden rolled his eyes, “I’m not worrying. Why would I worry?”

“Because Papa Bear Steener is having a chat with your ex-now-liney and we both know that the feeling of Murder never fully went away.”

“Murder isn’t a feeling.”

“Schwartzy,” Pear shook his head, “He’s Assistant GM. It’s not like he’s going to kill the Superstar Acquisition.”

“I know that.”

“Then why are you making that face?” Pear asked, “It’s the same one you made the first time Steener and Tazer talked, when you and Tazer got together.”

“You know, upclose, the grey in your beard really sticks out.”

“Don’t think you distract me,” Pear yelled after Jaden as he skated away, “And, for the record, I have no grey hairs!”

“Yeah,” Matthew grinned, “Because you dye your hair every two months.”

Robby giggled in response and Pear scowled, “What have I ever done to you, Matthew Tkachuk?”

“Well, I mean, you taught me how to play pool and I’ve never won a game, so….”

“Never is an exaggeration,” Robby rolled eyes, “‘Rarely’ is a better descriptor.”

Jaden snorted and DP glared at him, “That’s your Rookie. You see how he talks to me?”

Jaden just rolled his eyes in response, “He’s not a Rookie anymore, Frenchie. I have no control over him whatsoever.”

Robby giggled and pulled Jaden away.

+

Jaden should have been expecting it, sitting on the upstairs deck at Lewis and Clark’s after practice, while they waited for Robby and Rouzy to get back from their trip to Sugar Cubed.

“You and Jonathan seem to be getting close,” Steener mentioned casually as he scanned his eyes over the menu. 

Jaden didn’t know why he bothered to pretend to look at the menu when he got the same thing every time.

“He’s my linemate,” Jaden replied, trying to decide between the Gumbo and the White Chicken Chili, “Can’t exactly work well together if -”

“Cut the bullshit,” Steener put his menu down and fixed Jaden with his ‘You May Be All Grown Up But You’ll Always Be A Rookie To Me’ look, “What’s going on with you and Trevor?”

“I thought we were talking about Jonathan,” Jaden answered lightly, scanning the sidewalk for any sign of Robby and Rouzy. He never should have let them run into that store. They’ve never been able to make a quick stop there.

“Jaden.”

“I don’t know,” Jaden responded honestly, “One minute we’re fine and then the next there’s this...tension. And maybe it’s my fault. I keep bringing up getting a dog, I keep making comments about him actually moving in and getting rid of his condo downtown - he spends more time at my house anyway - and it just dissolves into this fight, or not fight, and I don’t know why. And he has this friend, right? In LA, Marco. And I shouldn’t be jealous or whatever because he doesn’t care about my weird relationship with Schenner. But every time I see them together, Marco just has this look on his face like he knows something I don’t.

“Meanwhile, Jonathan’s here. And he’s… He’s the same man I fell in love with. And I feel guilty all the time because Trevor is perfect for me, right? He’s everything I want in a partner. But suddenly he’s gone all the time. Which is great for him! Because he’s worked so hard to get to this point in his career. And I should be happy for him. I am happy for him. I’m so proud of him. But ever since Jonathan got here. I think about him a lot more than I should. And that’s not Trevor’s fault. It’s mine. And I feel like he knows.”

“Okay,” Steener put his menu down, “let’s break that down.”

“Let’s not,” Jaden replied, nodding toward the sidewalk, “the kids are here.”

“Fine. But I’m getting you drunk the first chance I get and THEN we’ll break it down.”

“We’ll see about that.”

“Sorry we’re late!” Robby crashed into the seat next to Jaden and stuck his tongue out at Rouzy.

“Gave us a chance to talk without young ears being present,” Steener grinned, laughing at the objections of Robby and Jordan.

+

A couple months into the season and Jonathan found that he felt just as at home in Saint Louis as he had in Chicago. He had fully integrated into the team and they were doing pretty well.

But the morning of his first game against his former club, he woke up with a knot in his chest and decided to get his nervous energy out before practice started.

He was surprised to hear someone already on the ice when he got to the rink but figured that maybe Otter had brought his boys with him and they were using the time before practice to get in a bit of time together. Or maybe Keith was skating with Robby and Matthew. He seemed to do that whenever he got the chance.

Jonathan wasn’t expecting the person to be Jaden. And he really wasn’t expecting that person to be Jaden doing what could be described as practicing slap shots if he was aiming for the net at all.

“Hey,” he greeted, stepping onto the ice and wincing slightly as the puck hit the glass harder than he expected.

“Hey,” Jaden replied, pulling another puck over to where he wanted it and winding up.

“You okay?”

“Peachy.”

“Sure.”

“How are you feeling? Playing the ‘hawks tonight?”

“I tell you how I’m feeling and you tell me why you’re trying to break the glass?”

“...Fine.”

“Nervous,” Jonathan fed Jaden another puck and watched him fire it, “Not as nervous as I’ll be the first game back in Chicago - and I’m certainly not looking forward to that if this feeling is anything to go by - but I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ll be fine by the time the game rolls around I think, I just needed to get the jitters out.”

“You’ll be great. You always are. O’Ry and Schenner may be able to give you some pointers about that first game against your old club. And Pear. I can’t really help, sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Jonathan passed another puck over to Jaden, who passed it back rather than shot it, “Your turn.”

“Trevor left for a shoot in Miami last night,” Jaden replied slowly, like he was expecting Jonathan to be done with the conversation as soon as he said Trevor’s name. When Jonathan held his gaze, Jaden continued, “We had a big fight before he left for the airport. Bad enough that he chose to take a Lyft rather than have me drop him off. Didn’t say goodbye. Just grabbed his suitcase and left. Hasn’t answered my calls or texts. I keep telling myself that he’s busy but even when he needs to hit the ground running as soon as he gets off the plane, he still always texts that they landed. And the only reason I knew he landed was because I got the flight info notification.”

“What was the fight about? You don’t have to tell me, I just -”

“He’s had a condo downtown - by Laclede’s Landing - since before we got together. And I don’t think it’s a jump to ask him to move into the house. He spends most of his time at mine. I call it ‘Our House’ when I talk about it. My closet is mostly his clothes. He has more stuff there than he does at the Condo. I just don’t know why…”

“Why what?”

“The only reason I can think of that - after three years - he wouldn’t want to move in is because he doesn’t think… that he thinks we’re going to last. And I don’t know how to handle that.”

“Have you talked about it?”

“Every time I try, it turns into a fight.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I just need to figure out how to talk to him without it devolving.”

“I’m sure you will. You’ve always been rational.”

“I don’t feel very rational right now. I feel like I’m missing something. And everyone around me knows what it is except for me.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out. You’re smarter than you give yourself credit for.”

Jaden made a face at him and Jonathan laughed, passing him the puck and watching as Jaden got off a clean shot and the puck pinged off the crossbar and into the net.

+

The game against Chicago passed and Jonathan didn't get time to dwell on the win before they had to leave for the airport to start a ten game road trip that would end in Chicago.

“Told you,” Jaden grinned as he sat down next to Jonathan on the plane.

Jonathan huffed out a laugh and took in Jaden’s smile. He had always liked Jaden’s smile. It’s what drew him to Jaden in the first place. And all these years later, it still captured his attention like nothing else did. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jaden laughed lightly.

“No reason,” Jonathan replied.

Jaden opened his mouth to respond but seemed to think otherwise and closed his mouth, snatching Schenner’s neck pillow - the man brought two onto the plane for who knew what reason - and slipped his headphones on as his eyes slipped shut.

Jonathan’s gaze was pulled away from Jaden only by Vladi clearing his throat and raising his eyebrows at him.

Jonathan shook his head to clear his thoughts and slipped his own headphones on.

+

The road trip flew by a little too quickly. They dropped a game to Philly, then another to the Islanders. They wiped the ice with the Rangers and went out afterward. Jaden hadn’t wanted to put Brayden had apparently annoyed him into it. 

At the bar, Jaden had withdrawn. Standing at one of the hightops, nursing a beer and watching Pear lose spectuarly at Pool, looking disinterested and making an effort not to pull his phone out.

“Hey,” Jonathan joined him, “you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Jaden replied, not looking over at him. Sighing, Jaden said, “Trevor’s in town for fittings for Fashion Week.”

“That’s why you didn’t want to come with us. You had plans with him,” Jonathan nodded.

“I had plans with him,” Jaden nodded, “But he blew off the game and he blew off the plans. So I wanted to stay at the hotel to sulk about my relationship falling apart and having no idea how to save it.”

“You can’t save it if one of you doesn’t want to save it,” Jonathan found himself saying. His eyes widened and he rushed to apologize.

“No,” Jaden sighed, “you’re right. Steener said the same thing. I just wish I knew what I did wrong.”

Jonathan didn’t know how to respond to that, so he took a drink of his beer.

“Schwartzy!” Robby ran over, “Don’t listen to whatever Rouzy is about to tell you! He’s lying!”

“Jaden!” Rouzy reached the table seconds after Robby finished talking, “I just walked in on Robby and Matty practically fucking in the bathroom!”

“Oh, boy,” Jaden sighed.

“We were not!” Robby fired back.

“You were, too! If I hadn’t walked into the bathroom when I did, pants would have been off!”

“No -”

“Robby, you have sex hair right now,” Jaden pointed out patiently.

“No, I have make-out hair.”

“Next time, make sure the bathroom door is locked.”

“You’re not gonna Fine him!?”

“Shut up, Jordan.”

“I’m not Pear. I don’t hand out Fines.”

“Ha!”

“Go play darts or something,” Jaden prompted, “Sammy is trying to teach Jakey and we all know that’ll end horribly.”

Jonathan kept an eye on Jaden the rest of night and tried to stamp out that little bit of hope that maybe he did have a shot. He hated that little bit of hope. It made him feel guilty. It made him feel like a horrible person.

He knew their teammates caught him staring a couple times, had caught him staring many times before that night, and he couldn’t bring himself to care.

+

They easily beat New Jersey and then they head up to Buffalo the next day and Jonathan met up with Patrick at a restaurant close to the hotel with the promise to be back in time for the bonding time O’Ry had planned - from what Jaden said, it sounded like charades was in the plan and Jonathan was actually looking forward to seeing Pear play charades.

“Hey,” Patrick grinned as he walked over to the table.

“Hey,” Jonathan stood up and hugged the shorter man, “how are you?”

“I’m good!” Patrick replied sitting down, “How are things with you?”

“Weird,” Jonathan replied honestly.

“Weird?” Patrick laughed.

“Suburban life has been an adjustment,” Jonathan defended himself, “I had to hire a lawn service because I kept getting citations about my grass being taller than allowed. And there’s this opossum and a raccoon - and just so much more than I had to deal with when I lived in the middle of a large city.”

“Oh, dude, when I moved here I went through the same thing,” Kaner laughed, “I went to war against a squirrel that I’m still fighting. Have you had to make any repairs yet?”

“Not yet,” Jonathan laughed, “but Jaden gave me a number to call if I ever have to. He also said that depending on the job, Justin may be able to help but I should never - under any circumstance - call Schenner.”

“And how are things with Jaden?”

“Things are good.”

“You still…?”

“Yeah, I still,” Jonathan took a sip of water, “He and the boyfriend are having a rough patch and he feels comfortable enough to talk to me about it. Which, I’m happy about. I want to be there for him. But I get this little flicker of hope and then I feel guilty about it. Because Jaden is happy with Travis.”

“I thought his name was Trevor?”

“Shut up and let me have the petty wrong name moment,” Jonathan rolled his eyes, “He blew off his plans with Jaden after our game against the Rangers.”

Patrick hummed in response and leaned forward, “Have you done… anything?”

“No,” Jonathan replied, “I already broke Jaden’s heart once. I don’t want to be the reason it happens again. If I get to just be his friend, then I will pretend that that’s okay until it actually is. Because I love him. And I want him to be happy. Regardless of if it’s me that does it.”

Patrick smiled softly in response and changed the subject.

+

After the game, Jonathan met Patrick outside the locker room, smiling widely at little Patty - who yelled “Uncle Jonny!” when he saw him.

“Good game,” Patrick nodded, handing Patty over to Jonathan, “You and Jaden are lethal together.”

“You played well. That goal was -”

“Don’t Jonny,” Patrick sighed, “At least I got used to the feeling of losing before the trade, right?”

“I’m sure it’ll get better.”

“There you are,” Jaden walked over, “Bus time got moved up, trying to beat bad weather.”

“Nice goal, Schwartzy,” Patrick nodded, “You’re having a good season.”

“Can’t take much credit. My linemates do all the set up.”

“Try to learn how to learn how to take a compliment,” Patrick laughed, taking his son back from Jonathan and laughing as he reached out for Jaden.

“God damn child magnet,” Jonathan chuckled and Jaden smiled sheepishly but smiled and waved at little Patty.

“We should head out,” Jaden prompted.

Jonathan hugged Kaner and Patty one more time before following Jaden out.

+

They lose in Columbus in a shootout, but pick up three consecutive wins against Minnesota, Dallas, and Nashville and then they were landing in Chicago for the last game of the roadie.

And it felt weird. Being in Chicago and being in a hotel. Being in Chicago and not feeling at home. And Jonathan wondered if he would ever get used to that feeling. Ever get used to walking into the visitor’s dressing room. Ever get used to knowing that the crowd would be cheering against him.

But then Jaden is next to him, with his reassuring smile and a hand on his arm - a silent sign that Jaden was there if he needed anything. And he had talked to Ryan on the plane the night before about all the thoughts flying around his head. And he felt better than he would have otherwise.

He tried not to let the boos affect him. He did take a minute to thank whatever deity was listening that he had already played his former club before this game.

And then he scored a hat trick.

And after the third goal - off a truly sexy pass from Jaden - Jonathan tried not to think about how Jaden’s eyes had gotten darker. Tried not to think about the myriad of things that happened in the past when Jaden got that look on his face. Because that look in the past had always promised Jonathan a long night.

Jaden gets two goals - almost a third - and Ryan gets the empty netter at the end to cap off the resounding victory - and another shutout for Ville.

As he got on the bus, the exhaustion of the long roadie seemed to catch up to him and Jonathan turned down the option to go out with everyone, laughing when Pear called him old.

“How come you’re not giving Jaden shit?” he asked, “He’s not going either.”

“Jaden’s always been an old man,” DP waved off.

Jaden rolled his eyes in response and shoved Schenner as he laughed.

“Shut up,” Jaden rolled his eyes, “I told Trevor I would call him after the game.”

“Fine, abandon me for phone sex with your boyfriend,” Schenner sighed.

Jonathan knew he wasn’t imaging the look he got from Jaden, no matter how brief it was.

+

Jonathan wasn’t surprised to see Jaden on the other side of the door when he opened it, still he smirked and leaned against the doorframe, “Thought you had to call Travis.”

“He sent me to voicemail,” Jaden replied with a shrug, “Anyway, I have a bottle Red and chocolate cake if you want to share.”

Jonathan grinned and stepped aside, laughing as Jaden shoved the bottle of wine into his hand as he passed.

He opened the bottle and poured them each a glass as Jaden settled in one of the armchairs and opened the container, offering Jonathan one of the forks.

The cake was gone fast and then the wine didn’t last long either and Jaden had moved from the armchair to lounging on the bed next to Jonathan, who was propped up on his elbow and looking down at Jaden with shining eyes.

And then Jaden leaned up and kissed him and Jonathan reacted instantly, moaning into it and kissing him back, lowering himself over Jaden - whose arms looped around Jonathan’s neck.

When they broke apart, Jonathan found himself staring down at Jaden, searching his face for any sign of regret.

“Jaden -”

“Please,” Jaden whispered, “I just want to feel like someone wants me.”

“I’ve wanted you for years,” Jonathan replied honestly, “And I’ll always want you.”

“Show me,” Jaden pleaded, his hands on Jonathan’s shoulders, “please.”

And all Jaden had ever had to do was ask and Jonathan would have given him the world. So he kissed Jaden and moaned when one of Jaden’s hands slipped under his t-shirt and traced over his abs before lightly scratching him. 

In retaliation, Jonathan broke the kiss and and latched onto the spot on Jaden’s neck that made him weak and smirked against the skin when Jaden bucked his hips and whimpered in response.

Jaden flipped them over and managed to get Jonathan out of his shirt and smirked before biting his peak and soothing the mark with his tongue as Jonathan hissed and rolled his hips up against Jaden.

Jonathan trailed a hand down Jaden’s back and under the waistband of his sweats, groping Jaden’s ass and smirking at the moan he got in response.

He pulled back in shock when he ran a finger over Jaden’s hole - taking a moment to relish in the sound it pulled from the man in his lap - when he felt wetness.

“Did you prep yourself before coming here?” Jonathan asked after a moment, getting over his shock and going back to teasing touches over Jaden’s asshole.

Jaden whined and hung his head, rocking against Jonathan’s fingers, “Thought I was gonna have phone sex. Trevor likes it when I’m already ready.”

“He’s missing out,” Jonathan flipped them over and pulled Jaden out of his clothes before slipping the tip of his finger into Jaden, “Watching you fall apart getting yourself ready, hearing the noises you make, is the best part.”

Jaden whimpered and nodded rapidly at Jonathan’s questioning look. And Jonathan smirked before scraping his teeth over one of Jaden’s nipples as he pushed the rest of his finger into Jaden, taking in Jaden’s throaty moan and the face he made when he was trying to hold back.

“Let go, Jay,” Jonathan whispered, brushing his lips over Jaden’s and adding a finger.

“Jonathan,” Jaden breathed out, grabbing the back of the older man’s head and pulling him in for a kiss and fully relaxing under him.

“You’re so good,” Jonathan panted out, pulling back from the kiss and slipping another finger in, “So perfect for me.”

And Jaden whimpered in response and Jonathan pressed his face into Jaden’s neck and groaned. He had missed this side of Jaden.

“I’m ready if you want -” Jaden trailed off, trying to take deep, calming breaths.

“Do you want -” Jonathan replied, looking down at Jaden and searching for any trace of doubt.

“God, yes,” Jaden replied, nodding and Jonathan had to kiss him again.

He chuckled a little when he stood up and Jaden whined. 

“Patience,” Jonathan’s voice was warm, “I’m just grabbing a condom and taking off my pants.”

Jaden grumbled and went to turn over when Jonathan stopped him, “No. Like this. I want to see you.”

“Ready?” Jonathan asked, brushing his lips over Jaden’s cheek.

“Please,” Jaden breathed out, “I need you, Jonny.” 

And Jonathan groaned at those words. Jaden never called him Jonny unless he was like this, soft and pliant and needy. And Jonathan loved the way the name sounded on his lips.

“Jonny,” Jaden whined, “come on. Please.”

And Jonathan didn’t need anymore prompted and he sunk into Jaden, both men groaning and Jaden’s nails dug into Jonathan's back as he bottomed out.

Jonathan looked down at Jaden, who had his eyes closed and was taking deep breaths as he adjusted. And Jonathan couldn’t help himself as he stared down at Jaden, taking in every detail.

“You can move,” Jaden murmured and Jonathan took that as his cue - especially when Jaden hooked a leg around his waist and hissed, “You can go harder. I’m gonna break.”

And Jonathan didn’t need to be told twice and he relished in the sounds he pulled out of Jaden, smirking as he found Jaden’s prostate like it hadn’t been six years since he last touched Jaden like this.

“Jonny,” Jaden whimpered, “ ‘m so close.”

“I got you,” Jonathan replied, “let go.”

And Jaden did just that as soon as Jonathan bit down on the sensitive spot on his neck. 

Jonathan groaned at the feel of Jaden coming around him and followed him over the edge a couple thrusts later.

He pulled out and rolled off of the younger man, both of them breathing heavy.

When Jonathan had gotten his breath back he disposed of the condom in the bathroom trash and got a washcloth to wipe Jaden down with.

And then Jaden’s eyes snapped open and he scrambled to get up.

“What’s wrong?” Jonathan asked, watching Jaden rush to pull his clothes back on.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?!” Jaden’s voice got a little squeaky as panic bled into his tone, “What’s wrong is that I have a boyfriend and we just -”

“Some boyfriend,” Jonathan rolled his eyes, “Blows you off, won’t move in -”

“Don’t,” Jaden’s voice was low and shaky, “Apparently he was right to be worried because we just -”

“Had some mindblowing sex,” Jonathan replied.

“I just cheated on my boyfriend with my ex,” Jaden hissed, “I love him and -”

“Do you love him?” Jonathan asked sharply, “Because you say you do. But I know you. And I know what you look like when you lie to yourself. And I know what you look like when you’re in love. And in the handful of times I have seen you and Trevor together, you’ve never looked at him the way you looked at me.”

Jaden opened his mouth to argue but Jonathan pushed through, “How long has he been blowing you off for? How long have you just been pretending to have this perfect, happy little relationship. Because everyone seems to think you two are days away from getting married. Yet I’ve seen you upset with him more than I’ve seen you happy with him. So, answer the question, Jaden. Do you love him?”

“Yes,” Jaden replied, jaw clenched and expression defiant.

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not.”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself.”

“You have some nerve.”

“Says the one who came over because his boyfriend blew off their phone sex date. You knew exactly what you were doing when you came here. You knew exactly where it would end up. Doesn’t exactly sound like the actions of a man who’s in love with his boyfriend.”

Jaden didn’t respond, just stormed out of Jonathan’s room.

And as the door shut behind him, Jonathan sighed and closed his eyes.

“Fuck,” he ground out, grabbing a pillow and chucking it across the room before sinking down on the edge of the bed and putting his head in his hands.

+

Jaden got back to his room and grabbed his phone from the night stand. No missed call from Trevor. No texts either. And he choked out a sob, guilt overtaking him and he shot off a text to Brayden and Vladi and then let himself crumble.

He didn’t react to the door opening. Brayden always had the spare key to Jaden’s room - like Jaden still had the spares to Robby and Rouzy’s rooms.

“Jaden….” Brayden whispered, sinking down on the bed next to Jaden, Vladi sitting on the other side.

“What happened?” the Russian asked, taking Jaden’s hands away from his face.

“Oh, Jaden,” Brayden pulled him into a hug, Vladi rubbing the smaller man’s back as Jaden sniffled.

“What happened?” Vladi asked after a minute.

“Trevor blew me off tonight,” Jaden managed to get out, “And I was hurt and I wanted - I wanted to feel wanted. So I went to Jonathan’s room and….”

“And?” Brayden prompted.

“We fucked,” Jaden kept his gaze focused on the floor, “Trevor has been so distant lately and it feels like all we do is fight and Jonathan wanted me and that felt good. And I never stopped loving Jonathan. And it was easy. And then I realized what I did and -”

“And?”

“And Jonathan called me on it. He called me on pretending that I have this relationship that is going strong but it really just hanging on by a tread. I have no idea how to fix it and this… I cheated on Trevor. I’m a terrible person.”

“No,” Vladi’s voice was firm as he made Jaden look at him, “you’re not a terrible person.”

“Vladi, I -”

“You made a mistake.”

“What if it wasn’t a mistake?”

“Then you need to talk to Trevor.”

“If only it were that easy,” Jaden signed, “He… he hasn’t answered the phone for me since we left for this roadie. He hasn’t answered my texts. And I can’t figure out what I did. What I did to make him hate me. And then I went and did this. What if he knew all along? What if he knew I was still in love with Jonathan? The last thing I want to do is hurt Trevor.”

Brayden and Vladi shared a look over Jaden’s shoulder as he broke down again and leaned into Vladi, neither sure what to do. 

+

Jaden woke up the next morning sandwiched between Vladi and Brayden. He went through the motions of his morning, shoved himself into the back seat of the bus and then of the plane, jamming on his headphones and pulling his hat down over his eyes.

He got home to his empty house and sighed. Trevor hadn’t been back to the house since he got back five days ago. Nothing had been touched. The text he sent that morning before getting on the bus left on Read.

So Jaden got back in his car and headed to the Condo. He needed to talk to Trevor. He needed one more shot at saving the relationship that he ruined.

He knocked and when he didn’t get an answer, he sighed and pulled out the key he had been given a month into their relationship. And he stood in the doorway in shock at the clearly lived in space, and at Trevor and Marco - clearly having been interrupted in the middle of their trip to the bedroom.

“Jaden,” Trevor’s eyes widened and he took an aborted step forward.

“I texted,” Jaden replied, “A couple of times. But you were clearly too busy to respond.”

“I’ll go wait in the bedroom,” Marco mumbled, “while you deal with this.”

And Jaden bit his lip to keep from responding to that.

“So,” Jaden waved his arm toward the now shut bedroom door, “this is way you didn’t want to move in.”

“Jaden -” Trevor sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“How long?” Jaden cut him off, “Because I have been killing myself for the past several months trying to figure out what I did. What I did to make you hate me and our relationship.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“But you stopped trying. You stopped caring about whether we lasted or not.”

“Marco and I first hooked up a year ago,” Trevor mumbled, “it was supposed to be a one time thing. But then it kept happening. And I didn’t want to hurt you. But then I fell in love with Marco and I didn’t know what to do. And he was fine with me staying with you. And then Toews came to town and I knew you weren’t over him, that you were still in love with him. Don’t lie to me, Jaden, I know you were. And I was hoping you either just let us fizzle out or you would end things.

“But then you didn’t. You kept trying to pull me back in when I was trying to drift away and I thought that eventually you would get the hint. But you didn’t. And -”

“Let me get this straight,” Jaden cut him off, “I have been KILLING myself for letting my loneliness lead me to sleep with Jonathan last night - Yeah, I did that. That’s why I wanted to talk to you. So I could tell you. So I could tell you that I would do ANYTHING for you to forgive me. I have been KILLING myself over it since last night and you’ve been cheating on me for a year and treating me like crap for the past couple months - maybe longer - because you were waiting for me to break up with you?”

“You slept with Toews?” Trevor’s eyes flashed and Jaden’s narrowed.

“You have NO ROOM to be upset about that,” Jaden fired back, “No room.”

“I knew it was only a matter of time.”

“I only did it because you blew me off and I was feeling rejected and alone. And I was feeling that long before I left for that road trip. And I kept trying to figure out what I did. You should have talked to me. You should have ended things a year ago, when you realized you were in love with Marco. Not strung me along. Not let me imagine a future for us in my head.”

“Jaden, you were never going to get over Jonathan.”

“Don’t blame this on Jonathan. YOU chose to bail on us a YEAR AGO without telling me. GOD, I feel so STUPID!” Jaden looked down as he removed the key from his key ring, “Here. Don’t think I need it anymore. If you want to come by tomorrow to get your stuff from the - from my House and drop the key off, I have skate from ten to two.”

“Jaden -”

“Good luck at Fashion Week, and everything else you do,” Jaden cut him off.

Trevor looked like he wanted to say something but closed his mouth and nodded and Jaden left.

+

Jaden woke up the next morning with a pounding head and curled into Schenner’s chest, the smell of breakfast floating up the stairs.

“Oh, God,” Brayden groaned, dislodging Jaden and making his way to the en suite as Jaden decided to brave the staircase.

“You’re awake,” Steener glanced over at him.

“Wha?” Jaden squinted and tried to put the pieces together.

“I got texts from Factor and Pear telling me that I should come over to check on you. Apparently, you and Schenner drunk dialed them. You passed out after telling me that you and Trevor broke up,” Steener passed him a plate of toast and a cup of coffee - in the biggest mug Jaden owned, “Wanna fill me in now or when the hangover’s cleared up a little. You and Schenner have to leave in a couple hours for skate.”

Brayden stumbled down the stairs at that moment and then whined until Steener gave him toast and coffee as well.

And Jaden took a breath and spilled everything that led to break up - with Schenner adding his own interjections that weren’t helpful - and Steener did what he had done since Jaden’s Rookie year. He listened patiently and he didn’t judge. He never judged Jaden. He just let Jaden talk his way through everything and then hugged him tightly and told him that it would be okay - that life had a way of working itself out.

And Schenner whines about Jaden getting preferential treatment when Brayden was equally as hungover and Steener rolled his eyes and old them to take a shower and try to look more human by the time they had to leave for practice.

+

Jaden ignored the eyes on him - nothing stayed a secret on this team - as he got dressed and hit the ice. 

“Do you wanna grab food after this?” Jaden muttered, coming to stop next to Jonathan.

“Yeah,” Jonathan nodded, “Look -”

“We’ll talk at the restaurant,” Jaden shook his head, “Too many noisy people here.”

Off to the side, Pear scoffed offendedly and Jaden raised his eyebrows in response.

“I rode with here with Brayden, so you’ll have to drive us.”

“Just tell me where you want to want to go.” Jonathan replied.

Jaden smiled and pushed off, stripping Pear of the puck as he passed him, yelling, “Keep up, Grandpa Pear” over his shoulder, earning a squawk from the older man and laughter from Matthew and Robby.

“You used to be such a cute kid, Matthew,” Pear lamented, “what happened to you?”

“Prolonged exposure to you,” Matthew grinned back in response.

“I can’t wait until Steener signs your brother,” Pear narrowed his eyes, “he was always my favorite.”

Matthew just cackled in response and Robby made an attempt to hide his amusement as Chief told him to rein in his boyfriend.

+

Jonathan had been a little surprised at Jaden’s choice of restaurant but followed his directions to Crown Candy Kitchen and they settled in one of the two person booths.

“Make sure you get a milkshake,” Jaden told him as he looked over the menu.

So Jonathan got a chocolate shake with his Reuban and Jaden got a marshmallow shake to go with his grilled ham and cheese.

“Jaden, I’m so sorry for what I said. I wasn’t -”

“You were right,” Jaden cut him off, “And… it turns out Trevor was just waiting for me to break up with him. He’d been cheating on me for a year and yeah. He had been pushing me away in hopes that I would end things because he didn’t want to be the one to do it.”

“I’m so sorry, Jaden.”

“I need time and you need to do some serious thinking. Because I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you. But I am not going back to hiding a relationship. So, if you want to try us again, then you need to be ready. I’m not saying you HAVE to come out, I would NEVER say that. But if you’re not ready, and if you don’t think you ever will be ready, then I need to know so I can not get my hopes up and move on from you. For good.”

Jonathan nodded, understanding what Jaden was saying. 

+

Later that night, after giving his agent and Blues PR a heads up, he released his statement and his phone went off shortly after.

“I didn’t mean you had to decide today,” Jaden said as soon as Jonathan accepted the call.

“I know,” Jonathan replied, “but I should have done it six years ago.”

And Jonathan wished he could see Jaden in that moment. 

“I wanted you to know that I was serious. About you.”

“You’re making it really hard for me not jump back into things.”

Jonathan chuckled and said, “Just let me know when you’re ready. I’ll be right here.”

+

Jonathan was minding his own business in they Players’ Lounge a couple weeks later - Pear had challenged him to Ping Pong and then got distracted by Matthew chirping him about his age and the grey that had started coming through in his facial hair and it had devolved into Pear chasing Matthew out of the room - when Jaden walked in.

“Hey,” Jaden smiled, “what are you up to tonight?”

“I was gonna call Kaner but that can be rearranged,” Jonathan replied, “What did you have in mind?”

“I was thinking we could get dinner,” Jaden replied, “there’s a new place that just opened last week and Brayden won’t stop talking about the dessert menu.”

“Is this -?”

“If you want it to be.”

Jonathan grinned and pulled Jaden down into a kiss.

They only separated when Pear walked back in and yelled, “FINE! THAT’S A FINE! Schwartzy, there are young eyes here!!”

When they pulled away, Pear was in the doorway with his hands over Jakey’s eyes as the kid struggled to free himself from the hold.

Jaden rolled his eyes and kissed Jonathan once more and said, “Pick me up at seven?”

“See you then.”

And Jonathan would never in a million years deny the goofy look on his face as he watched Jaden leave, grabbing Jake as he passed to free him from DP.

Jonathan hadn’t expected to sign with any other team but the Blackhawks. But he was glad he chose Saint Louis. Because Saint Louis was a great Club. And a great City. 

And Saint Louis had Jaden.


End file.
